bah

2nd day or yr1 orientation today.. ran ard bedok area for abt 5hrs.. quite fun bahz.. esp e 'honk! if u think i'm hot part', where they had to stand by the roadside n get drivers to honk at u.. lolx.. quite funny la..

other than tt it was also our pdp exhibition.. performed abit n tried publicising ard.. n managed to get some to sign up for our auditions.. hopefully we'll get a gd batch=)

anw, been feeling abit low today.. dunno y, juz feel i cant seem to do anything right.. seriously.. i dun even know what i'm gd at.. and like i can say i want to do well academically, but i juz realli cant.. yet.. i wish i cld juz.. i dunno.. 'give up' seems rather dramatic.. but if i cld juz stop trying.. yet i cant.. its not a choice.. and its not juz academic stuff.. ohwellx.. cant exactly say what i'm thinking either.. bleargh.. and i'm yr2 already.. its my a's this yr.. i already kind of screwed up my o's.. and i totally wasted one yr in yr1.. screwed up my promos so badly.. ended up in this horrible crappy state that i juz deserved.. n i'm left with a's as my very last chance.. yet now, even though i had certain resolve to work during the holidays.. here i am, brains empty hw untouched.. nth done at all except for choir, playing maple, and pure slacking.. plus i'm now missing at week's work due to the orientation.. which, given my situation, i so shldnt have joined.. and i'll still be missing yet another week's worth of lessons in term 2 for our choir san francisco trip, though i'm vv looking forward to that.. all in all, i'm pretty screwed this yr again, unless i somehow manage to become a totally different person and actually start to mug. which, i say again, i cant! i cant concentrate. i cant focus. i get distracted by the slightest thing. in the end, nth goes into my head again and despite me realli realli wanting to do well this yr, i dunno if i can achieve that. i'm realli vv scared of this yr. i fear that once i screw my a's, i wont know what to do. so much, realli alot alot depends on my academic results this yr.. so much that i'm realli afraid i cant make it, then what happens? i dont know..

gd luck everyone~